Week 2- Anxiety, Hot Tubs and Freezing Water. Sounds fun, huh?
These last two weeks have reminded me that good things take time and money produces anxiety.
I knew that about both of them, but man alive did I forget how much of a feeler I am and how much the way I feel impacts my ability to function. Two weeks in is no way to assess the success of any project, building a business takes time. From planning to connecting, we know that we have to work hard and then harder to see the success. I expected all of this.
What I did not expect was the anxiety that would come along with it.
While I built my business Mark had a full time job that came with raises, health insurance and a paycheck. Those things I began to expect not respect. I expected the paycheck, I expected health coverage, I expected to pay bills, and live the life we wanted.
I was comfortable.
You know those times when you were a kid at a hotel and you would get in the hot tub then run and jump in the freezing pool just because it sounded fun? That is what it feels like, expect it is anything but fun. As time passes now, I feel pressure. I wake up, I go through out my day, I close my eyes and at each stage there is a weight. A weight in my chest that reminds me that we are no longer relaxing in the hot tub, we are now airborne into the pool.
It is a scary feeling. An overwhelming feeling. An exhausting feeling.
And then I am reminded of those who have paved a way for us, those who have done incredible things, those who have changed the way we function as a society. They had to take a SERIOUS risk to get there. Financial, emotional, physical transformation had to happen. And that type of transformation can’t happen while you are in the hot tub enjoying life. It is when you are thrown into the air bracing yourself for the cold plunge into the water that you are preparing yourself for great things.
This season is going to be HARD! It is going to take time, energy and commitment like no other.
This season is going to be SCARY! It is going to require risk and trust!
This season WON’T make sense! Who quits a full time job with a family of 6 to chase a dream?!
Even with all of those thoughts I still know:
This season is going to be life changing
This season will be an incredible blessing 5 years from now
This season will bless us and others greatly
Walt Disney, Thomas Edison, Oprah Winfrey, Steve Jobs, Jim Carrey, Franklin Roosevelt, and Bill Gates, ALL played a HUGE roll in changing the world and failed time after time. They had to fight to make something out of nothing but the results were incredible.
So today I am standing by that knowledge. Sure it isn’t easy. We have 6 mouths to feed, two bums in diapers, school activities, sports activities, traveling, school debt, and so much more riding on our shoulders. But if we never try, we can never succeed.
Today we try. Today we fail. Today we soar. Today we cry. Today we laugh. Today we change our future. Even if it means I need xanax. These things I know and believe:
Psalm 56:3 When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.